WIP my Visual Novel

been working on this for a while now and would like to see what others think about it
Description:
Hmm this is abit hard to say since its more going indiana jones style making it as i go.
originally it started wanting to make a funny echi about a guy that falls thru a portal and ends up in elven land where he gets a harem saves the land etc..... BUT.... and thats a big but i seen Outbreak Company and realized crap this is what i had in mine also .....SO NOW it made a Anakim Skywalker 180 and turned it from a comedy echi harem to a more serious aspect with still some echi here and there cuz come on we all want to see some of it once it a while im still keeping the elfen land part but turning upside how he gets there.
Description in a NUTSHELL
An average guy gets woken up by his childhood friend when accidentally while being still sleepy trips with his hands on her boobies and face under her skirt.
Trying to teach him a lesson he falls off the school rooftop and ends up in a comma


Screens:
http://prntscr.com/3lilmw
http://prntscr.com/3limt8
http://prntscr.com/3lin5s
http://prntscr.com/3ling4
http://prntscr.com/3linqk
excuse the artwork for now its only temporary until a friend of mine finishes the art for me

http://goo.gl/YggH66

all opinions and critic welcome except for stupid things like "it sucks" but you dont give a reason why it sucks so pls argument your opinions and critic
would like to see some honest even brutally honest argument opinions and critic

Edit this is not a full game its still work in progress (alpha stage)

 

updated first post with the new version more story

as you can see i used multiple writing styles im curious which one you think is best

 

Hi, I see you are using Visual Novel Toolkit right? Just wondering how your experience with it has been ?

I'm working on another unity tool to create VN's that I'll probably release for free once I can replace some of the NGUI UI stuff with the new UI in unity 4.6

Anyway would be cool if you could compare my tool, with the one you are using in the future. I'll post here once I have a version that I can share.

About your VN so far: It feels a little rushed ( the pacing of the story) also where did the girl get the glass from ?
and it kind of ends sorta abruptly at the moment. Some of the art is really nice, but some of it is stretched, also some of it gets cut off in the bottom (legless floating body). Try to align the bottom of the characters and scale them so they don't look squished?

Anyway keep on going ! = ] Good Luck !

 

invadererik

would be cool if you want me to test it yes i am using the visual novel toolkit was pricey a bit but so far i see its worth it the only big issue i have with it is the very big lack of documentation and tutorials in english also when a earthquake occurs and a building is made mainly of glass and also has glass doors and glass shelf's like a museum or institute that displays and studies if magical objects are true or not(and gov always says there not ) its natural to have lots of broken glass after right?

 

Update 2

1. Added quit button (yeah finally )
2. Minor changes to the story
3. Menu location and image changed so that not to get in the way of the story.
4. Minor story continuation.

first post updated with the new link

 

for everyone that's having problems with the download or is to lazy to download it here's the online version

http://goo.gl/0nNnZg