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[proofreading wanted] Should I skip mammal and just use human?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by pbeer, Mar 18, 2018.

  1. pbeer

    pbeer

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    Hi.

    I'm trying to write a story for exorcism game.
    Below is the troubling part.
    Friend of mine told me to change mammal to human because it doesn't fit.
    Should I use human instead of mammal?
    Michael is demon and David is priest.


    Michael : The weather is nice.


    David : ...It is. Why don’t you take a walk outside?


    Michael : I’ve walked too much.


    David : You’ve been sitting here for days now.


    Michael : I’ve walked too much. I need to sit.


    David : Okay. You haven’t been eating. Aren’t you hungry?


    Michael : ...What a secular concept. Isn’t it?


    David : Eating?


    Michael : Yes.


    David : Want to elaborate?


    Michael : You incomplete, impotent and incapable mammals need to find another sources to keep breathing because you are so, what’s the word, puny.


    David : You look similar to the mammals you are talking about.


    Michael : I don’t eat. “Priest”. I’ll let you think what that means for a second.


    David : You are not a mammal?


    Michael : Hardly.


    David : Then what are you?


    Michael : I have many names.
     
  2. Billy4184

    Billy4184

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    Using the term 'mammals' implies that the demon loathes mammals as a group, not humans in particular, which doesn't make a lot of sense unless you have a good reason for it.
     
  3. Tzan

    Tzan

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    other sources
    or
    another source


    I’ll let you think about what that means for a second.
     
  4. pbeer

    pbeer

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    Thanks for the reply. I was going for demons making fun of humans by calling them mammals?
     
  5. pbeer

    pbeer

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    Sorry lol not an english speaker here. thanks
     
  6. Tzan

    Tzan

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    I figured that might be the reason.
    Good luck :)
     
  7. pbeer

    pbeer

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    lol thanks
     
  8. Billy4184

    Billy4184

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    It's not clear where the insult is if you call someone a mammal?

    If the point is to insult by saying that humans are puny and need to breathe, well it's not a characteristic specific to mammals so using that term doesn't clarify the insult at all.
     
    theANMATOR2b likes this.
  9. pbeer

    pbeer

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    I see. What other term should I use instead of mammals then? Maybe mortals?
     
  10. Billy4184

    Billy4184

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    OK so you need to use a noun (a thing) that at least is consistent with the insult (or even better, supports it).

    The objective is to degrade humans and who and what they are. I would suggest 'organisms' or even better 'creatures', because they cast humans as simply biological entities which can be evaluated on their physical characteristics, which strengthens the context in which the insult is then delivered (you're puny and need to breathe).

    A good habit when you're trying to come up with words and pieces of sentences is to decide what the objective of the dialogue is, and figure out how to use words that align with the sentiment of what is being said.
     
    theANMATOR2b likes this.
  11. pbeer

    pbeer

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    Thanks for the help. I will keep that in mind ;)
     
    Billy4184 likes this.
  12. theANMATOR2b

    theANMATOR2b

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    Contrast the demon with the human - what does the demon have (physically) that the human does not have? If the demon is immune to physical attacks - describing the humans soft fleshy forms in disparaging terms 'could' relay the insult well, by comparison to the demons solid metal body.
     
    Billy4184 likes this.
  13. I myself would use the word 'animal' instead. Because the terms breathing and eating, etc, are common denominators for animals (It is important, it's not a scientific approach, it is as common speech and thinking), and it is somewhat insult for many people.
    Although it can be confusing or less effective if your daemons have animalistic features,
     
  14. Billy4184

    Billy4184

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    I think the problem is that the term 'animals' is often used to mean dirty and unintelligent, so it derails part of the energy of the insult into something that at best isn't clarified or at worst is technically wrong.

    'Creatures' also is not exactly an insult in itself, and includes the demon itself, who probably physically outmatches the humans. So it's a way of re-framing the value judgement on a pure physical basis and then contrasting the demon with the human (or at least putting the human down as weak). It's basically saying "your intelligence/morality means nothing. In the physical realm, you're puny and dependent on breathing, whereas I am strong and well-equipped."
     
  15. Kiwasi

    Kiwasi

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    The term 'mammal' or 'animal' to imply that humans and animals are on the same level. It emphasizes the baser aspects of humanity. It also reminds the listener of the evolutionary relationship between humans and animals. This usage is most often heard from atheists or secular thinkers.

    Using human tends to emphasize the special creation of humans. It implies that a human are something different from animals. Its normally used by theists, but its not uncommon to hear from secular philosophers as well.
     
  16. BoogieD

    BoogieD

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    Homonid

    noun, Anthropology.
    1.
    any member of the group consisting of all modern and extinct humans and great apes (including gorillas, chimpanzees, and orangutans) and all their immediate ancestors.

    Word Origin
    C19: via New Latin from Latin homo man + -id ²
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2018
  17. BIGTIMEMASTER

    BIGTIMEMASTER

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    Can you put that in code snippets, please?





    translation -- mostly programmers here. Probably better places to find writing critique.