Showcase My first attempt at an animation short - Please critique it!

Some important points.

1. This is my first attempt, so please go easy on me
2. Animation is shoddy and clunky plus Im looking into adding voice work as well. But I mostly want to showcase the story rather relying heavily on CGI
   
3. Watermarks here and there
4. This is sort of a prologue for the series
5. Some nudity

But I have a phase plan on how to go about with the series. The writing has been done. Looking to publish this into an episodic format. Im currently working on episode 1 and 2.

 

Hey that's not bad at all!
For first attempt you can be proud, Nice atmosphere and you are doing so well with the effects and the cuts.
Keep it up. You'll get better as you continue. Keep posting your work as you progress.

 

you can use OBS for capturing and you can edit with some open source editors or Davinci resolve, you need knowledge on cinematography, the take from 0:19 to 1:07 is too long

 

I like the concept! You can get Unity recorder free from the package manager to record your videos inside Unity.

 

Well, It is not bad.

I like it.

 

Subject line asks for feedback, so some suggestions (from someone trying to learn too...).

Khan Academy hosts Pixar in a Box - designed for school kids, but I still found it very educational. There are lots of short episodes about storytelling, storyboarding, shot composition, how they go about creating an animated movie, etc. https://www.khanacademy.org/computing/pixar

Someone else mentioned, but I have been using Cinemachine and their recorder track support, for short videos anyway. Seems to work (and is free!). https://docs.unity3d.com/Packages/com.unity.recorder@2.0/manual/index.html (I did have problems with long video files in an older version, but seems to be fine with latest version).

Suggestion for your consideration: One shot you zoom in from behind on the character (0:20 seconds in till 1:10) - it felt overly long without apparent reason (maybe there is going to be a voice track?). I don't mind a long zoom in, it just was not clear why it was *that* long. Or if you like the long zoom, splice in the first 3 shots into the zoom sequence (zooming in, cut briefly to a body, zoom a bit more, cut to closeup on another body, keep zooming, etc). Just a suggestion though - you should be happy with the result. I liked the 3 shots at the intro for setting the feel.

I loved your moving camera shot at 2:19 right before "deleted". It is a great dramatic highlight for the end of the sequence. Before you had great camera angles (from strange angles, highlighting uncomfortableness during the fight), then ended with an even more dramatic shot. Nice! (Completely unrealistic for a security camera of course, but that is beside the point!!)

Have you heard of the rule of thirds? Putting things in the center draws attention. But 1/3 and 2/3 is a good place for points of interest of things you want people to look at (like faces). Generally your shots look good. But there were a few points, like at 2:00, where the head of the character felt a bit too close to the top of the shot. It makes the shot feel "crowded", but you are clearly in a big room.

Oh, is the idea the lady is deleting the footage at the computer? That was not clear to me. E.g. maybe see her taking her hand away from a button on the computer after the word deleted appears and you are back in the blue room, to create a clearer cause and effect (footage was deleted due to something the lady did). The video is blank there at the moment so maybe there is something planned already.

But the ultimate critic is yourself. Just go for it! Create some videos and you will learn a lot yourself going back and looking at them later. You learn a lot just doing it.