Are you antisocial?

We all spend a lot of time on our computer that we could be spending somewhere else. We choose to spend it here because we prefer this to other alternatives. At least, I do. Why?

Could it be that lacking social skills was initially the reason why we decided to invest so much time in something that requires little to no social interactions? Could it be the other way around? We like it so much that other aspects of our lives are taking a hit? Or perhaps, you are able to create a great balance between the two and this doesn't apply to you at all?

Personally, I didn't have trouble with any social aspects of my life up to 17-18 years old. At that point, I started gaming heavily, putting victory above relationships. Then I grew up to be very goal-oriented person and kinda felt like everything needed a purpose. If it didn't have one, it most likely wasn't worth my time. I feel like most social interactions are superficial and meaningless. Perhaps because I got bad at it and I'd rather not try than see myself fail, perhaps they really are, but I'm not ready to think this through yet.

As of today, I have a girlfriend-soon-to-be-wife that I love and exchange with when possible. Other than her, I can handle conversations with my relatives once in a while, but everything else, I consider a waste of time unless it's a conversation that I can learn something from.

I take comfort in thinking that I was always an introvert, and until the end of my teenage years, I got out of my way to try to fit in.


What's your story?

 

Surprisingly, I feel the same as you describe, unless I find somebody I share lots of hobbies/interests with, I don't really have reasons to talk to them. Sometimes I worry if there is something wrong with me, that I enjoy learning things like code, while other people party and socialize. At the end of the day I am happy with my antisocial life, and the "What if I'm missing something" moments don't come very often.

 

Not when I'm drinking... but not gin, that makes me a little to antsy to punch people in the face. I do love gin though... and punching people in the face.

 

I'm a weird one really.

1. I love people around me but my obsession to work, and drive to achieve pushes them away, and I feel sad about that.
2. I'm not shy, but enduring awkward situations where I can't hear what people have said makes me feel like I'm a burden on people.

So no, it's nothing to do with real shyness or any of the op poll topics really. I just want a hug.
Being a terrifying hippo makes it difficult for people to understand I like hugs.

 

I have no problem hanging out with people and enjoy getting out and socializing from time to time. Like once or twice per week but not the marathon socializations a lot of people seem to do. I'm talking about 45 miutes one place and maybe an hour at another place. That is plenty in my opinion. How people can just sit around hanging out for hours on end I don't get that. Although a lot of it has to do with the people involved. Like when I visit one of my cousins we hang out for a few hours and the time just flies by. However, I only do that a couple of times per year other than the major holidays.

I am quite happy to spend many hours in complete isolation undisturbed so I can focus on my projects. I often tell people who say "I am bored let's do something" they really need to get some hobbies. Do something other than spending hours and hours every week just going out, sitting and gabbing and then feeling bored whenever they are not in some kind of social environment. That indicates some kind of problem in my opinion.

 

I don't know. I think it's natural, evolved to sit around gabbing. It's what created civilisation as we know it. Likewise the isolated ones are also natural hunting and nesting. I don't think either is right or wrong.

 

Some are definitely more "pack animal oriented". That is true. I just think when a person cannot be happy unless something is always going there is something wrong. A lack of being able to entertain themselves, a fear of being / feeling alone, lack of any hobbies & interests they enjoy. Something. Otherwise I don't see anything wrong with either way either. Just the extremes. If a person is nervous, scared whatever around other people that is the same kind of thing on the other side. A complete aversion to being around other people and a need to always be around other people. Extremes.

 

this sounds like i wrote it
Time is also a big point here. The older i grow the less bored i got. So hanging around to kill time is just a memory for now.

 

I definitely feel you there. I'm actually extremely extroverted... a social butterfly. I enjoy groups... parties when I was in college, bars as I got a little older, and now just group gatherings of friends. I love meeting new people and talk to complete strangers on a regular basis. I have spoken and given presentations to multiple developer user groups. I'm the "class clown" at the office as well...

But...when given the choice of going out and doing something social, or concentrating on my work (or playing a game), I choose the latter. I love social interaction and it comes easily but I would much rather sit at home, write code, fiddle with my guitar, play games, or hang out just with my family. I feel that I've let relationships with my friends slip and I've lost contact with quite a few. I wouldn't say it makes me feel sad, but certainly a bit guilty at times.

 

Yes.

 

What he said. But the older I get the less I give a damn.

 

One of those rare occasions where a single word conveys a large amount of meaning.

 

" Shyness is really fat and blocking the way, but I'd like to improve my social life."

Why is "I'd like to improve my social life" there?

Can't I be shy and fine with it?

 

I'm not anti-social. My interests are few and uncommon. And I'm bad at group conversations. For me it's just listening to people, and think short topic related phrases, which I gotta think fast and say it before the topic changes. This way people do not think I'm autistic again, and the day is saved.

 

Nope ^_^

 

I love going out with friends for some food and drinks, but i also love making games and having time for my self.

For me its important that i can mix it up so i can do both.

 

If days had atleast 12 more hours, I would go outside and talk to people. Now with school taking bigger half of the day, I must learn something useful at home, like Unity.

 

I'm heavily in the non-social realm. I don't party, I don't drink. I don't go out for food with anyone. I don't "hang out" with anyone at all, really. I spend the vast majority of my time alone doing my work, learning things, playing games, whatever else.

The thing is... I'm perfectly happy this way. During most of my life, at every chance I had to make friends, I rejected them. As one with Asperger's Syndrome, they would probably say that it's because I'm incapable of socializing (or "broken" in some way). But that's not it - it's that my interests didn't match those of the people I had the chance to be friends with. Their conversations didn't interest me and I wouldn't fit in with them. I felt their influence would hurt me more than help me.

And so I've gone my own way, got into programming, and I've gained many skills during the past years. I'm sure I wouldn't be close to where I am skill-wise if I had other people pulling me away from it. Nor would I be any happier than I am now, because this is the only thing I really love to do.

Maybe eventually when I get more involved with people sharing similar interests (at work, perhaps? At least we'll share the programming interest!) then I'll be more social than I currently am.

 

↑ this, I like it, I get it, I feel this way.
By the way, do you people interpret highschool as the best time of lives? Because sitting in class 8 hours a day learning things I don't care about, then at home hopefully not learning for exams for the rest of the day...it isn't what I'd call nice. And I just never am in the mood for other people after days like this.

 

I hated school (not the social part though) until i started my University education, where i actually found stuff interesting.

 

Thanks god, I really look forward to studying maths, algorithms, I like everything to do with computers and I'm stuck with lots of biology and chemistry. Maybe I'll find some people like me. This thread actually calms me a lot, because lately I've been worried there's something wrong with me, that I'm not like the majority in my school. Shows I'm not really adult yet lol.

 

We are all different and tackle stuff in our own way, dont worry.

It can switch around. Sometimes i actually felt a bit too 'normal', and thereby as an outsider while studying programming because some people could only talk about programming and if you switched topic they got all weird haha

 

http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/

 

I can do social well enough at work or family settings.

But the socialization I do by choice is normally limited to the business end of a sword.

 

Kinda, but I'm working on it .

 

So much variety in this community!

 

I think I am unfortunately... If I wasn't probably I would be doing something else.

 

yeah i dont talk to people much, figure stuff i have to say isnt important or interesting so why say anything,
super antisocial you dunno

but then iam a badass and everyone loves me ... well i was...
i mean if i talked to anyone ever maybe?
LOL
regret not having a social life.. super hermit loner, spent too much time in the country without a car and a computer LOL
but screw it i have my own ideas.

guess thats not what antisocial means? .. i mean iam not antisocial, i just have no social life,
eh i got a couple friends... whatevers
voted: No, I love everyone and everyone loves me.
would like to vote: Yes, but I love everyone and everyone loves me.

 

I prefer the term "asocial", in that I don't particularly desire other people's company, but am not outright opposed to it.
*Goes and checks Wiktionary to be certain he hasn't got the wrong definition*

 

antisocial generall

I'm pretty sure the average person defines antisocial to mean "violent"
as in "antisocial personality disorder"". So yeah, wanting to be alone is not the same as antisocial.

 

It has two contexts, and both are equally valid according to the dictionary.

 

Yeah, you're right.

 

Nope, not anti-social. People generally do not care. I try not to make a scene.

 

I would definetly fall into the anti-social group. I dont like coversations, that when you are finished with them (and they last a long time usually) you learned nothing or the conclusion is just pointless.

In that case i should just say "yes" i guess

 

Those are called usually called "socializing" so to not enjoy that would definitely make one anti-social

 

I voted, social interactions are a waste a time because I found out there are better things to do then waste your time with people that don't care about you, they'll drag you down if you give them the chance. Judging from my vote I'm very antisocial but not entirely, I like to have human contact from time to time and I'm very friendly with people who are good to me. By now I probably sound like a frustrated girl lol

I'm actually a social chameleon In truth, it's necessary for my survival!

 

Yeah, it's a tricky one. I'm not antisocial (in the same way an agnostic is not an atheist) but I'm seldom social through choice. That said I'm happy to be the soul of the party when I'm bound by social obligation and tend to be the most friendly and cheery around the office. If you're gonna do it do it right? lol

 

No, I am not anti-social. That said, I prefer to be alone most of the time. I have a hard time dealing with people who aren't self aware, who see themselves differently than they actually are while I am stuck dealing with reality. I have a huge disconnect with people who lie, it makes me question their mental state and character. Call me cynical, but I have yet to meet more than a tiny subset of the population that is not merely motivated by self interest, ego or love for cash. I tend to internalize other peoples struggles and relate to them, which makes me the textbook definition of a "sucker" I guess.

So no, I am actually very social. But I have just learned to stay away from people, because for the most part they are trouble.

And at the same time, I feel compelled to have meaningful interaction. Catch 22.

 

I would not say I'm anti-social, I am an introvert though. I'm not shy at all and I enjoy the company of other people both at work and at home, but I enjoy silence and beeing alone far more.

... on second thought, what I just wrote did sound really really anti-social .__.'

 

One of my problems is that for whatever reason, I'm very sensitive to negativity, more so in public. I step outside my house and I seem to have a negative thought every 5 seconds. It's very subconscious, and I only noticed recently in my life. That's the problem, I didn't realize before, or rather I didn't realize that it's 'needless negativity', whereas I saw it as simply 'reality' before.

For example, I step outside, anything is an excuse for a negative thought. Car drives by, that's negative, probably looked at me, thought I looked dumb; any person that walks I feel like I'm being watched.
Imagine me on a social gathering. I become 100% autistic. As if everything I do is wrong, even my face is probably wrong, thanks brain.
Now that I realize this, I can negate the negativity, by thinking positive "Everything is ok... your face has nothing wrong... being here is ok" lol. It's not easy but realizing that when being more negative than necessary, being conscious of it helps a great deal.

 

I'm 99% sure that is a well known disorder (don't know the exact name, but if I were to google it I'd start with "social anxiety") and absolutely treatable through therapy and often even without it. One excercise I've read about is going to a café, spend 6 hours there alone, reading a book or something and casually observing who of the people around you really notice you. The point is to realize that no one really gives a F*** and you are worrying over nothing. You are already on a good way, rationally you have already understood that. That's great and an important step to go, now you need to feel it too. I can only encourage you to push further in whatever way works best for you, because it will significantly improve your quality of life if you no longer have those thoughts in public.

 

Hate them all! lock the doors and prepare for the hordes of undead scum.

 

Then you can take it one step further and see how far you can push it until people do start noticing you.

And make a few grand from Youtube monetization in the process.

 

As it stands, I have sat in this dining hall for the past two hours and ignored everyone. I haven't talked to anyone since my friends left. Been working on rendering my newest 3d model (which isn't working out).

You know its funny. I love to talk. Mostly with people I know well. I don't like to strike up conversation with random strangers. I don't hang out with friends unless I come across them at say the dining hall or somewhere and we hang out for a little while.

I really don't know what to do with a friend. I don't know what to do with said friends. There are times when I prefer to work on my computer projects over interacting with others.

I have had a thought regarding all of this: if I were to live alone, I think I may just drop off the map to people I know completely. The only time I interact with others is at work, at home, and nowhere in between. I sometimes go an entire day without saying more than four sentences to anyone. I'm not sad about it, it suits me, but sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to.

I predicted rather accurately that when I moved away to University I would probably be lonelier than ever and never talk to anyone. That turned out to be pretty true...

I was pretty depressed for most of this semester, but I've recovered and I'm quite comfortable with being by mysef.

 

Yeah, more or less. Depending where and who you are with, it ranges from people not caring to people being critical of anything you do. Being a stranger in public is easier than being at some social gathering.

The problem I have is that people seem to be trained to correct each other constantly. Don't be quiet, or look nervous, or bored; like 'X' topic and be knowledgeable about it; wear certain clothes; have 'X' hobbies. I can't process these constant corrections, they install in my brain and reside and accumulate, make me feel unfitting even when I'm back home, takes me all day to "detox".
Long ago I figured I could simply try to become immune to that, or maybe just blend in and be whatever they tell me to be, none of which I could do. Now I rather just avoid exposing myself to that as much as possible, life's too short mang!

 

Trying to be like others and blend in is BS to me and doesn't make any sense. You don't need to adapt to people, they need to adapt to you. What's the point of trying to make it seem like you blend in and force that when no one actually cares about it? It's worse when you are treated as a stranger in your own place. I am kind and I talk to people, laugh with them but my nature is antisocial because trusting people is a let down, be consistent only with a select few!

 

BIG HUG! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

See I'm glowing now all hugged up! <3 u Teila!

 

@Teila careful running around this topic throwing hugs at people, the genuinely anti-social ones will get scared off.

 

I love the theme of this thread. "I'm not antisocial, I just don't like socialising with other people".